2018 Resolutions…I want to be happy.
I can’t remember the last time I made a New Year’s resolution. I THINK I used to set them back in the day (maybe in the 90’s?!) but can’t remember setting any in the past few years (#thankstbi). This year, I was determined to give it some thought and align my resolutions with my purpose,what do I want to accomplish this year? What gives my life meaning? I thought about my role as a wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend. I thought about how six months ago I felt like I was lacking a professional purpose so I changed that and started my blog. I thought about how I constantly feeling like I am drowning in life at the moment and can’t fulfill my role in any aspect of my life other than a Mom because my kids take every ounce of energy I have, and then some. The lack of sleep has been getting to me lately and is giving me an even harder time with managing our lives. Just when I think we are catching up with life and managing it all, the washer breaks, the bathroom floods, I have an impromptu visit to the dentist and the cat needs to be rushed to the emergency vet. I know this is just one of our seasons of life, however, I also know we have three kids. Life isn’t going to slow down for us anytime soon. So as we try to figure out how to live in this chaos, I just want to be happy. I know these are the days…I look back on the time I spent with just my oldest and realize those days slipped away quicker than I ever could’ve imagined. I can’t say I’ve enjoyed all of these moments and when I look back on the past six years as a Mom and past nine years since my accident, I am realizing that I am going through the motions when it comes to life and I don’t look at back on these years thinking, “I was so happy.” I look back thinking, “I was in pain,” “I was so tired,” or “I was recovering” (from my accident at first and then after each of my kids, I think it took close to a year for me to get my body back and feel good (“my good”) again).
Rereading my words, I realize I want to convey that I have definitely had periods over the past nine years where I have been happy. We have had a lot of blessings (I can think of three off the top of my head!) but the common theme I think of when I reflect on where I have come since my accident, includes a long and tiresome journey. I want to change that. I want my journey to be a starting point of something greater and I want to remember how much happiness I have had since my TBI. When I was in the midst of suffering from depression, I had no idea I was depressed, but looking back I was, and I wish I did more to help myself at the time. I am in no way depressed at the moment (overwhelmed yes!) and I want to keep it that way. I want to help myself right now, to remember these days and look back and think, “I was happy.”
So my resolution for 2018 is TO BE HAPPY. Whatever that means, on any given day, I am going to intentionally chose happiness. My definition is going to change daily, and it’s going to encompass a number of other resolutions, which will force me to BE PRESENT, to SLOW DOWN, and say NO to the things that I don’t want to do. I will continue to focus on a healthy diet & lifestyle and plan to say hello to the gym again once the Winter is over (putting the baby in the gym daycare just grosses me out). I am going to give myself grace and realize, I can’t do it all. I am going to ask for help. I am going to reflect, daily, on all of the things that made me feel good that day, and when I am feeling overwhelmed and negative, I am going to CHANGE SOMETHING, to make it better. I think taking this perspective and focusing on what makes me happy when I need to make a decision will help me achieve MUCH MORE than happiness.
So thank you, dear readers, for reading and holding me accountable as I check back in with this journey. My blog has given me a purpose, and for 2018 it’s going to be an even bigger one.
Be well, friends. And BE HAPPY.
I have so much to say that this is going to be a two part post. Stay tuned!